Jed Clampit (and the Lancashire Hillbillies)

This account could have been written back in 1980, when the title would have been something like "What we did last Summer", but after the '79 season nobody had the energy! Recently a Stoxnet subscriber remarked on a post ref Jed Clampit and asked for more detail: what follows may illustrate the wisdom of being careful about what you wish for, but here goes anyroad.

The persona of Jed Clampit had its origin in the North Sea rather than some dirt poor American state and his time spent as a roustabout (glammed up name for a labourer on an oil rig I think, but feel free to put me right on this). The name on the birth certificate was Stoney however and that name was known to your humble scribe, for Jed had been bitten by the Stock Car bug some years prior to his maximum effort season.

The number was 392 and the car a Wolfenden cast-off; the place was Newton Aycliffe, home to the fabled 360 yard paperclip oval. Youtube can confirm that the place really existed, with a layout dictated by the need to fit the track inside a notional dog track (unused to my knowledge). Jed was a big Smith fan and had requested a number as close to his hero as possible. By 1979 the 499 was adjacent to SS's F2 500 licence. 43? After a trip to Daytona Richard Petty was the new hero and Clampit was dead and buried, he even had the hat!

Back on track. Mr Stoney set the tone with an early start, ending a fast first lap with a 100 yard lead before sticking his car into the legendary Aycliffe fence and raising a huge dust cloud from which he emerged at barely reduced speed. Lap two wasa a repeat of the first, and the car cried enough!

Jed took a break from expenditure in the North Sea where the work on the rigs paid very well, long term aim was a return to the Sport of Kings of course, and by the end of 1978 he was back on dry land and loaded for bear, having acquired a state of the art stock car. Built in the Wainman manner the piece had been crafted by Tony Bell, a Wainman near neighbour and fabricator. Introduced to the man I recalled his Aycliffe antics of course but there was more to Clampit than a heavy right foot evidently. While doing his roustabout gig he had had first hand experience of the dangers of his work, which involved handling a lot of pipework and slinging. The man had devised a specialised pipe grip which allowed the rigger to work safely. This of course was the CLAMPIT, the name on 499's new licence, adopted for possible commercial purposes. This was never required as the thing had already been sold for a goodly sum (never knew how much).

Over the course of a White City meeting I was assimilated into Jed's new enterprise, his ears pricked up when I was described as a tyre fitter, which attribute is a jewel beyond price in any race team of course! Just saying. Colin was on the crude mechanicals (heir to the Badger Cabs empire in Machester) and Gary promised a tidy image, he was a good artist and sign writer. Driver stopped off the fence and qualified for the final, looked promising overall, lets go racin' dudes! (No we didn't talk like that really).

It can be said that 499's set-up for 1979 showed signs of his best approach to the sport to date. Loadsamoney was a help (remember a quote from one of the Wainman family; "Speed costs, how fast do you want to spend?") and a well fitted workshop was a big plus point. I discovered at some point I had been inducted into the "Lancashire Hillbillies", this being Jed's name for his band of happy helpers, it was painted on the car within an image of an oil rig. An excellent paintjob had been delivered by Gary in Red,White and Blue.

The car, built by Tony Bell, merits some comment. It was to all purposes a Wainman piece and a well made thing. 212 had refined the cars he raced over the seasons to the point where people were getting line to buy one. The Silsden product was more agricultural than technically refined and exactly what was needed for stock car racing with some ingenious touches to make fettling the beast easier, combined with excellent workmanship. depending on what you broke you could even get parts from Mr Wainman. A simple thing like drilling the LD front axle mounting holes out to take a larger AF bolt made life easier, just make sure you checked them every race! Our car had a Commer gearbox, mounted to the 390 Ford FE V8 with a fabricated bellhousing using a 17 inch 6 stud truck wheel as a basis. The floor panels in the cab were held down with screws into threads drilled into the chassis itself. That V8 had a good cam in its build and sported the obligatory Holly double pumper. Machine wise things looked pretty good.

The Hillbillies base was in the Badger Taxi base in an old mill in Ancoats in Manchester and already home to the drivers teams. Best decribed without any doubt as "character" nick names were standard issue. Samples would be Moggy, Two-Mac, Legs, Monkey and Three-Balls. There were others but putting them in print today could result in a court appearence. Suffice it to say everybody in the garage had a nick name in short order, including a stock car driver whose performances fell short of what the guys considered good, he was christened , "Bjorn Borg", Because he always on the Centrre! Jed was a puzzle for a while, in essence he arrived with a nick name in place but something would be done, watch this space.

But I digress.

Actual racing commenced at the first opportunity in 1979 with the early Northampton meetings Jed signed in with a lower grades race win and scored a few more points in others. Jed was thrilled with the Daily Mirror Grand Prix, to such an extent that he attended the Inaugral meet at Harringay ON SPEC, something he only thought to mention on Watford Gap Services. The race car was towed by a 1.6 litre Cortina which was just about bow-legged but Jed and tyreman JohnBoy (nick names remember) rode in splendour in Mr Clampits Ford Granada Preston licenced private hire car.

Despite managing to insinuate himself into the Grand Parade Jed did not start a race on that Good Friday. JohnBoy extablished himelf as the oldest fan by referring to the spectacular 471 as Jim Berg. Jed had designs on running Long Eaton the next day but that gig was cancelled, thank the Lord. After the meeting Colin (no nick name, his Dad owned the joint after all, but his call sign on the radio was 391) headed North, somewhat disgruntled. Jed was distracted by his new hobby, CB Radio and became lost in conversation and London. Along with most of the Good Buddies he talked to that night he adopted an "American" accent. Between the Eastender version and the Preston Lancs edition this made for a surreal experience.

On reflection, and having regard for the situation today Mike Parker should have a statue somewhere. His entirely commercial efforcts delivered a Golden Age for the impecunious racer. Come the following Sunday Jed and Co were back in the real World and doing a meeting at Rochdale.

The first grading in '79 saw Mr Clampit up to Yellow and added another colour to the car which gave it a technicolour dreamcoat look. Bookings at non MPP tracks were a little difficult to achieve so sometimes the team were in attendance as spectators, when preferred transport was Badger Senior's Bentley S4 (this was when Petrol was about 70P for one of your Imperial Gallons). After doing a Sheffield as a fan Jed came to blows with the proprieter of a fried chicken shop. Never one to be slow to make himself known he pointed out to the lady behind the counter how deficient her product was compared with the Colonels. One thing led to another and Mrs Chicken finished up wearing Jed's supper. Mr Chicken then erupted out of the kitchen intent on mayhem and our hero did one and joined the team in the Bentley. Most of him was inside the Bentley's substantial door when the outraged chicken vendor hit it and Jed.

Naturally every wrinkle of the event was recounted next day, when Jed showed up at the garage sporting an eye which just about matched his stocker he was accorded a proper Badger nick name being greeted as the "Jedi Warrior ".

Life cannot be one long laughfest of course and to prove the point at a White City meeting the 499 was towed off the track steaming; driver reported a hell of a bang under the bonnet. When the dipstick cap was unscrewed (keeps the shale out) a fountain of disgusting fluid was released. The water had joined the contents of the sump and the engine locked up. A big dip into the Roustabout's kitty was in prospect.

Jed did not linger long and produced a Ford FE V8 in short order (FE stands for Ford Edsel BTW). Sourced from Liversedge's Ken Brown; the initial disgust when the rocker covers came off (the sludge looked a lot like the stuff in the dead engine) and a flat refusal of a refund, Caveat Emptor invoked, Mr Badger took the job in hand. It transpired that the motor was actually a 352 not the later 390.

Jed did the rounds of people like Rodley Motors over at Leeds for gasket sets and suchlike.He also bought a Green Godess firepump while he was at it. This thing had been converted into a transporter by Harvey Lodge (368) and was a stepup for the clampit from a car ambulance. The poor little Cortina must have breathed a sigh of relief. This one was white not green and instantly named "Moby Dick". Being a tyre wallah I noticed someone had treated it to a new set of Michelin XZZ tyres which would deliver a lot more grip than the OE crossplies. Maybe not a good idea for a vehicle noted for its propensity to fall over at the drop of a hat? We would have the chance to find out. A fresh MOT came with this beast, which stated the vehicle was a VAUXHALL of 2300cc capacity rather than a BEDFORD of 5 litres. Still better than an ambulance though?

For some reason that year White City ran meetings on Friday and it was at the next one of these, the Clampits in attendance as customers (perish the thought that Kid Wobbler smuggled 'em in) that some lunatic, not Jed, pointed out that an actual booking existed for Belle Vue on Saturday the next day. There must have been a booking, why else would we agree to get the car fettled for BV duty? The car was ready to go apart from the big 'ole where engine went. Said engine was still a bare block.

Some 45 years on this silliness just seems , well silly, but it points up the effect the game had on participants, effectively you were doing two jobs, one of them for nothing. Other people were most likely doing exactly what we were that night. There were folk who had done this for years before us who carried on for years after. Today the cry is, "It's only a 'obby!", but some people still carry the fire for commercial reasons. Things have changed a bit.

Getting back to the bunting and frolics, we need not have bothered, somebody left the clutch loose, BV was a bust. Let us do the noble thing and blame the driver, he WAS dicovered fast asleep draped over the motor with wheel brace in hand. He had done a full shift in his taxi mind, and arrived bearing KFC so all forgiven.

Having pulled the 352 Ford back out of the car, we once again praised Mr Wainman's expertise as a car builder, a couple of hours and done, The rebuilt motor sounded sharper than the broken one and Jed performed well, you could tell that because he was tearing the car up more (driver took that as a compliment).

The wheels came off with a vengence at the Mirror's GP Finale at Bradford. Willie Harrison broke a leg in the pits, a young chap was killed and his companion injured. Jed had a role in the latter event. Management had installed a ramp (no other word for it) intended to protect the rugby pitch inside the narrowest turn. Jed got the turn wrong, hit the thing and took off, coming down hard on the car's roof. A piece of steel plate was dislodged from the construction. A following car ran over the debris and that did the damage when it was flicked into grandstand.

Amazingly the car was thrown back onto its wheels, fired up and was driven off. The meeting continued, many folk unaware of events. The car had done its job well protecting the driver but the roll cage was junk. Tony Bell had used 2.1/2" Steam tube for the rear bar, the seam of this piece had split pretty much all the way round.

Everybody was interviewed by the Police, Jed of course had seen nothing, the crew had been watching their driver. We were no use as witnesses so we went home.

Back at base Driver was all racer and looking to regroup. The large diameter roll bar was now a problem, when Jed discovered that a 2" tube would slide inside it he was gung ho for chopping the split piece off and sleeving the thing. We would bend the new roll bar in the quick and dirty way; heat it up and bend it around a handy lamp post. The 1979 crew's plan had not progressed , beyond ringing Doug Cronshaw to ask what kind of tube suited his bending tools. That was more or less the end of the Lancashire Hillbillies Jed found someone who did the job as directed and the next time I saw Moby Dick the white paint was gone, replaced by a very nice metallic blue. The Amazing Techicolour Dreamcoat race car got the same treatment and a new sponsor had been found. From memory the name was Eric Vallance, another cab firm in blackpool.

All this was accomplished in time for the next Belle Vue meeting. Jed was unchained lightning, had never gone as well, kept it off the fence and quaified fifth from the consolation. That little 352 Ford was a strong engine, unless it was all down to the matallic paint!

That was 1979 that was, 50+ meetings for 30 points. Nobody tried harder.

Jed continued to feed his habit with an annual Wainman hire car at Aycliffe and then one day in the early Eighties your humble scribe dropped into Badgers where a stocker less engine sat. Obviously Clampits his new number 43 on the flank and painted in Petty Enterprises colours. The car was ex Graham Blundell, an engine never appeared and the car was resold.

Dull it wasn't!

John Nolan